Ghosts of Christmases Passed

I am an English teacher, but honestly I'm not sure if these are ghosts of Christmases Passed or Past. Forgive me. I did fail English several times in high school. Yes, several.

Here I am in Santiago Chile, most of the bloggers that I have "grown up" with, for lack of a better word, the bloggers that I have read, and those who have read me. They have all decided they are not longer writing the "expat blog" the kind of blog that talks about the things that at first may be hard to get used to. I haven't yet wrote that post. Mostly because this is my first Christmas in Chile. I knew it was going to be rough and I knew there was going to be plenty of things to write about that still fit into the newcomer category. So, expect my post sometime in January. For now I want to go back. As far back as I can remember.....


           So here I sit, technically it really is Christmas Eve, but to me it is still the eve of Christmas Eve. My husband was working, but now is up in bed listening to music and trying to fall asleep. I am here in MY dining room making cut out cookies and listening to Christmas music. Which I will honestly say has brought me to tears a lot of times. It is 20 minutes to 4 at this moment. 4 am... I am drinking wine. I am doing something that I am pretty sure every other expat has done since they have been in Chile, but I haven't done. I opened a bottle of wine. I have never drank a full bottle and tonight, I will. I am not doing it just to get drunk, I am doing it because I can. Yes, I will probably piss drunk by the time I finish it, but for now I am doing ok. I have half the cookies made that I need to have. I have more of the wine drank. Woohoo.
           I have to honestly say that  yesterday and this morning, I was very bitter. I was extremely jealous of all other expats that get to go home for Christmas. Yes, I was. But now, I have come to terms with myself. Mostly because I know that it is 100% impossible for me to get home for Christmas, don't correct me if I'm wrong. There are no other flights that I can possibly take to make it home to spend Christmas Eve with my dad's family. I know the schedule, Delta and Lan both leave between 8pm and 11pmish... Continental and COPA have a flight to Panama at 2am ish. Please don't correct me if I'm wrong. That's all. My only options. I'm here. And that is that. So, instead of writing about now, I'm going back back back. As far as I can remember. Well, let's start with my baby book, most of the photos, I don't remember, but I can still tell about them.

My first Chirstmas, I was a little over six months old. I had the chicken pox, so did my sister, and possible 2 or 3 other cousins of mine. I couldn't walk. I probably had no idea what Christmas was. My second Christmas, I was walking and talking. From what other family members have told me, I could talk full sentences since I was about 18 months old. On Christmas Eve I wore a little black velvet dress that matches the one my older sister was wearing the same year. I have a bunch of pictures from that Christmas Eve, my Godmother Kay took a picture of me with her giving me a bottle of beer. I also have a picture of me with my fat bottom lip sticking while I was holding a stuffed bear. And a picture with my mom, she was holding me and I was trying as hard as I could to open a candy cane. Very cute. The next Christmas, I don't remember. In fact there is a space that there aren't photos that I have seen very often to tell me about it, but I do remember the Christmas when I was fiveish, maybe six. You see, we lived in many houses while I was growing up, so I'm not sure what happened most of the time, but I do remember we were living in "the farm house." This was the house that my grandparents built and most of my aunts and uncles (there are 10 not sure who) but they were born there. We lived in that house for 3 years..ish. I remember this year because I got a pink snow suit, a jacket matching the snowpants. My mom got a Kirby vacuum. I also received a Barbie Fold 'n Fun house. I think. I may be mixing some Xmases together. Maybe my Godmother and her husband and 2 kids were living with us.. I think.

A little further down the years, we moved to Htown, the place my parents are still living now. In this house, I first stopped believing in Santa and my sister and I were privileged to walk home from church and bring the "Santa" presents out and set them up quick before my little brothers got home. We each got a sled that year and had fun sledding down our older neighbor couple's hill. My sister sprained her ankle trying to stand sled down the hill. When I was 15, at my mom's side's Xmas we all were drinking Captain Morgan. For anyone that doesn't know me very well, Captain Morgan was, and has been my drink of choice since this time. My cousins set sail with Captain Morgan, I only had the few "sneaky" drinks. Good times.

A few years later when I was a senior in high school, I spent my very first Chirstmas away from home. As this was 5 Christmases ago, I remember very well. But, for many reasons. The first reason, I remember this year was because my cousin Carol gave me a car for Christmas. Yes, a car. I had tears in my eyes when she handed me the title and I didn't have enough words to show how thankful I really was. So after my mom's side's Christmas party, my parents drove to the cities to get my car. They brought it back to me a few days before Christmas. It just so happened that I was going with my grandma to Montana for Christmas. I got to miss an entire week of school for this trip. The day we left Mn to got to Mt, my parents brought me the car. It was snowing, but my mom, even though my dad was kind of cranky about it, let me take my new to me car for a little drive. It was great. I felt like a spoiled princess, not only did I get a car for Christmas, I got to go to Montana for Christmas. So I took my 1995 Lincoln Continental for a spin and then jumped into my aunt's truck with my grandma to head west. It was a nice trip, mostly. We decided to stop at this shithole hotel I really can't remember the name of it, but I think it was close to Steele, North Dakota. Anyways, the power went out in the middle of the night, well we got there in the middle of the night so the power went out somewhere between then and 9am when we woke up and realized we should have been on the road a couple hours before that. Anyways, we made it to Montana all in one piece. I was so excited to spend Xmas there. It really was great, I would like to repeat it. I spent most of my time with my cousin Justin, who is a bit older than me, but we had a lot of Captain Morgan.. I mean fun :)
 I remember most of all wrapping presents at his dad's house and him handing me a Captain and Coke saying, we might as well start early. We went to church Christmas Eve and stood in the back of church because it was packed, but it didn't matter because I was already buzzed. After that we all went, my uncle, my grandma, Justin, my aunt, and I, back to my aunt's house for Christmas dinner. We had shrimp, it was amazing. And somehow we finish 3 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Captain before my cousin and I headed off to one of his friend's house for more celebrating. I don't remember the next day, except I got some Victoria's secret lipgloss and lotion from my aunt. I loved that lotion I kept it in the glove compartment of my new car:) I wonder if they still have it.... Anyways. That was my very first Christmas away from my family. I called my grandma K's house and said hi and talked to a few people. Little did I know, that that wasn't going to be the only holiday in my life where I would do the same....

That brings us to the Christmas before I met Ro. Chirstmas of 2006, I had graduated from high school and moved to Montana. My aunt and cousin, the same Montanans as the story before:) they stopped on their way  to MN to pick me up in Bozeman, Mt to bring me to MN for Christmas. I had made a bunch of candles for presents the night before. I pretty much woke up threw the candle and my bags in the truck and off we were, bad weather was on its way. My aunt spent the entire trip in the back seat of her truck while us younger ones drove. I have to say when my Justin and I get together, we feed off each other. My aunt was mad when we got to MN, she said we picked on her and teased her the whole way. We did. It was a snowy drive. I do remember one part very clearly because I was driving. It was kind of slippery, but I was going about 60 miles per hour. Ahead of us someone went into the ditch I immediately lifted my foot from the gas and didn't panic. My aunt was asleep, but then jerked forward and yelled, "SLOW DOWN!!!" I knew better than to hit the brakes. I know she wanted that after she yelled again. I tapped the brakes and we slid, fishtailed, a bit then slowed down. My cousin took over driving after that. To this day I will say, and I'm sure my cousin would stick up for me, I knew what I was doing. But because I was only 18.... anyways we made it to Mn. I celebrated Chirstmas with my family and we all headed back to Mt before New Years. I met Ro on the 8th of January of 2007. And from that moment my life has been all about "us."

I spent Christmas and New Years away from Ro in 2007. I went to the parties, but felt like something was missing. NOTHING has been the same since then. I always felt like I was missing something, everyone else had their partners, but I didn't for Xmas. I worked Xmas and New Years, and missed out on "the cabin" that year. But I did experience the first time my younger brother got drunk with me. It really was great. Our parents were up north so we had a party. The following year I was only in MN for a month for the holidays, so I did make it to the cabin. I went to the cabin for my first time. I missed my Ro, but I did have a great time. I went ice fishing, one of my cousin's and his friend took me spear fishing for the first time in my life. It was great we drank, had fun, and fell asleep way before 12.
Last year, Christmas of 2009, I spent with my family again. We had just learned that year that my grandpa was diagnosed with brain cancer. I spent that year with my family and Ro was once again in Chile. I went to the cabin again. And of course it was a great time. I drank and had fun with my aunts and cousins and everyone that was there. At one time we were in a fish house with 3 Shannons!!!! Well 2 Shannons, and one Shannen. : ) Great time!! So, that brings us to now. Here I am. I have finished my bottle of wine, but the cookies aren't done yet.

Merry Christmas everyone. I send my love from here. I may only be 6000ish miles away, but I am away, and I hope everyone has a very Merry Chirstmas!!! If you go to the cabin, remember me, and think of me because I really do wish that I was there!!!