When you visit my house

I don't have a lot of visitors at my house and after I reread this and thought about it, it really probably is a good thing.
When you visit our house, first you will notice that the neighbor lady will come out and see what is going on. She acts all dramatic like she thinks you are actually climbing over her gate and about to rob her house, then she mutters, "Ah, you scared me." After that she goes back into the house. I think she is just nosy...
When you enter our house, you will probably not notice or you probably will that the house is a mess. You have probably 5 chances out of 7 of coming in and wondering to yourself what the fuck happened in here. I fail at being a good housekeeper. I hate cleaning and as soon as I have everything clean I feel like an hour later it looks horrible again. I think this may have to do with the fact that I have a tiny house. If I had a bigger house everything wouldn't get so cluttered so fast. I also never make my bed unless I wash the sheets not that it matters because visitors don't really go in my room.
You will also notice that there is a red piece of yarn tied around one of our chairs, if I was you, I wouldn't sit in that chair. I was thinking of making a warning sign for it because I'm sure someone will sit in it and break it 100% before we around to getting it fixed. I would just put the chair away somewhere, but I don't have a somewhere to put it. Also, the toilet seat cover is broken so when you pick it up you have a good chance of standing there holding a toilet seat cover in your hand and wondering to yourself, "How the fuck does this happen?" I don't know how it happened, it just did and now its broken and we are going to buy a new one soon, I think. You probably won't notice, but there is a melted \ / shape on the top of my washing machine. That's because one day I turned my hair straightener to 410 degrees F and set it on my plastic washing machine. Yes, I am so intelligent.
I also have to say that I have ADD when it comes to being a hostess. We never have alcohol in our house. Yes, we drink, but when we do, we drink it all. So a  quick trip to the little liquor store a couple blocks away is always needed. After returning from the little trip, I will bring out the rum, coke, and ice then wander off while you wonder where the hell your drink is. Usually Nico (Our neighbor and Ro's friend) will just go into the kitchen and get classes and make the drinks. Then when I come back I will pick up a drink like I made it and didn't forget about anything. If you come on a bad day, we won't have very much food in the house, but I am pretty good at making snacks out of anything. I mean all you need is an apple and manjar or peanut butter and wahoo a snack. Or onions, flour and beer and wahooo onion rings!!! Usually though, if we know we are having people over we will have completos and we always have chips and golf sauce. Also, if you drop food on the floor one of two things will happen, depending on what you dropped I will just say, "Don't worry, Zoe will eat it." or Zoe will have already grabbed it and if it is a grape or an onion I will grab her back legs and lift her into the air and give a little shake so she drops it. Anything other than a grape or onion, she can eat. She's part goat, I think. If you spill a drink, she will drink it, but I try to keep her alcohol consumption to a minimum since the last time someone dropped a glass of wine and she drank almost all of it up before we could get it cleaned up and she walked into things for a half an hour before passing out in the middle of the living room floor. Bad dog.
If you want to play Rock Band, I am always willing and after a few drinks I even sing! But, I do have to tell you that sometimes our TV fades to black so we have to push pause while I give it a good slap or kick and the color will come right back and we can continue playing for a few minutes. Sometimes this happens a lot, sometimes it can go a whole hour without fading to black. Also, don't be fooled, I really do suck at Rock Band and usually will fail out before people who are playing for the first time, so make sure Ro is home so he can do the secret button pushing thing and set it on No Fail Mode. Then everyone can be happy and we can continue to play the whole song and probably not get more than three stars because, I really do suck.
There is a big chance that instead of playing Rock Band, I will bring out the cards, dice, and Jenga Xtreme. Usually we play Bull Shit with the cards, and the loser has to drink a half shot... be careful... you so don't want to drink HALF a SHOT, OMG! I really don't mind losing as much as the others. In fact, I wouldn't mind taking a whole shot for losing. We play Greedy with the dice I think some people call that game Farkle too and of course the loser has to drink HALF a SHOT!! Hahahaha! After we get a good buzz on we pull out Jenga Xtreme where the loser has to drink HALF a SHOT!!! I think this is the best part of the night. I love playing games. If presidents and assholes wasn't so complicated for the Chilean man brain, I would try to get everyone to play that game because it is a way better drinking game!!

Well, apparently I started writing a blog a few hours ago and was too busy watching the news to finish it and now I don't even know how I was going to finish it...sigh.